unforgettable memories

2008-07-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

im still not over it yet.
im missing him everyday.
im feeling lost without his presence in my life.
i dunno what i could do..
cliques,thanks for company in school.or else,i don think i would be even smiling.cause this is too much a blow for me to handle.
i dunno how could i react.
sometimes i even hope that the clock could turn back.
i regreted for my decision that morning.
i hate myself for hesitating.
if i did go in the morning...haix.
he will always be in my memory...
i miss his smile,
i miss him calling out for me.
i miss going into that room..
i miss seeing him hugging the pooh bear..haix.
that was his favourite bear...
i still miss him afterall..
seeing his smile everyday could brighten up my life.
but now,my life seems to be very dull without him anymore.
im always feeling lost.haix
what is all that i could do is only missing him...haix.

cliques,thanks for consoling me.
i still need much more time...
i enjoy each and every of your company everyday.
it would at least help me feel happy when im in school.
thanks for the company today,Yvonne.

2007-11-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

after a few months,im back to blogging again..haha...
many things happened within this few months..haix..
o-level is over and its a happy things..
but sometimes when i thought of those problems,i will be sad...
it hurts me to see him like this,but what can i do??
things in life sometimes is just hard for us to predict
who will knows what will happened next..haix..

2007-08-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

i realise its long since i blog..haha..
just feel like blogging all of a sudden..
holidays are so boring..haix..
but friday is the best..
i think i had much fun that day...
doing fruit tarts with my mum,aunt,uncle,sister..
its just so fun..haha...
hope my cousin also had fun that day cause its his birthday..lol..
happy belated birthday!
its fast,sunday yesterday and he went back to army already...
im sure days passes very fast..haha...
and a few more weeks will be prelim..
and im now still hoping to go out always???
what the hell am i thinking ??lol...
always asking my aunt to go out for shopping..haha...
today was the release of the mt o level results...
haix...scared to know the results..haix..
hopefully,days will be fun..if not i will be bored at home..haix..
not forgetting i have to mug and mug...

i realise i was so different from my cousins and sister..
only when exams are near,then i was nervous and started to study..
whereas they were always mugging and mugging months before the exam..lol..
just so different,maybe i should change my attitude..which i hope i will...
don't wish to let my parents down..haha...
another thing which i was looking forward,
was the DESIGNING of my new study room at my new house which is gonna be afetr 'O' levels..
how i hope time could past fast..hahha...
can't wait to move to my new house,and with the permission of my parents,my sis and i decided to design our own room for studying and sleeping..OMG!!!can't wait for that day..haha...
my uncle sugegsted the use of the walkie talkie when i move to the house opp them..HAHA...
my dad agreed...LOL..cuz this can actually save money..HAHA...
it seems very fun sia..HAHA...
but i have to wait till its after o...LOL..
but i think i should fork out some money too...for the designing of the room...cause its just unreasonable of me to ask my parents to pay right?
cause it will gonne be ex...so...i HAVE to save and save..
so my saving time is here agin!!!!!

2007-07-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

now in com lab 3 blogging instead of doing my coursework..LOL..
cuz cher is not here..HAHA..
seems to be having some mood swing today,...just kind of feeling irritated...haix..
i should be happy....but im not..haix...
its just feeling of tiring for me..
what's more i had know the truth of some things..
i did not expect you to be such person..forget it...
I will just try to be happie..hahax

2007-07-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

yesterday was not a good day for me..haix..
things happened as and when they like.
and i could not stop it..
your words had hurt me...
it led me thinking of many things..
thinking of the past,and my tears just flow..
im very sad by it...
but i am glad i have the support of my bestie..
I LOVE YOU!!!thanks for being there for me.
at least,maybe after this,i realised many more things..
i will not dwell on the past anymore since its over.
I need to be strong no matter wgar happen.

Thanks to someone else too..
thanks,your words had let me realise about many things...
we knew each other for 5 years,and i can say that you are still a good friend,no matter what happens.
i appreciate u as my friend,though i did not mention..
sometimes i really pei fu you,cause u can take things in your stride...i salute u for this..
how i wish i could be like you..
after all,THANKS for the chat too.

My bestie:
I just wanna say I LOVE YOU!!!
you are always there for me no matter what,that makes me very touched..
thanks...im sorry to disturb you yesterday!.
but thanks for everything...
i really duno what i can say to express my thanks to you...THANKS :)

2007-07-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

im sad...but what can i do???
haix...just so disappointed..
what had happened exactly??why is it like this?
i dun understand why??
i put in effort,but this is what i had gotten...haix...
these few days aren't just in the mood.
feeling somekind of irritated sometimes..haix...
im sorry if i flew my temper at you...
thinking of forgetting it and just let it go..but i kept reminded of it..haix..
but sometimes its hard...im just so disappointed...
i wish to have some quiet moments now..haix..
i hope i will not be reminded of it...haix.

yesterday had an advanced birthday celebration with my family..
but i just dun seem to be happy?maybe because of this matter that had affected me..haix...
putting on a fake smile yesterday...its tough for me..haix..
IM just so SAD now...haiX...
if you know what happened,i hope some of u can just keep quiet about it..
cuz i dun wanna see those hyprocrites to be so pretentious..
(you think its a good excuse by just saying that?)

2007-07-12T03:17:00.000-07:00

remedials,extra lessons after school...
and its so tiring....
so pressurise,so stress with everything...
i just cannot cope with things sometimes...
just dunno what i can do...
stress is in me..haix...
sorry friends if i had disturbed all of you..haix...
im so confused with many subjects now..but i need to buck up..arghh...
how di i??when i am always out shopping during my weekends...arghhh?

2007-07-02T04:23:00.001-07:00

completing my coursework in progress...
a few more months..
but im still nt in the mood for any studies?WTH...
i need some discipline..arghhh..
went out today again..
i know my aunt is sad again..haix..
hopefully when he's back next week,we can make him happy..hahax
went to eat jack's place..
was so irritated by their service...
went home continue with the coursework.
DON think that you are great by just BLOCKING me..
i DON give a DAMN.

2007-06-30T01:24:00.000-07:00

to THAT person if you are reading,
school has started...
teachers are telling us to reflect..
sometimes its kinda stress hearing teachers saying 3 more months....etc...
but not choice...
something happened on the first week.
and i realise what she said is true..
why should i be good to someone who finds me irritating when i am helping her
im just helping you and i did not expect you to say im irritating helping you..
and even call me names behind my back..WTH...
i did not call you names like "pig"and instead you called me names and told people about it?
i felt hurt a little..it just does not pay to be kind sometimes
but afterall im used to it le..im not going to dewell on it anymore
im just disappointed...helping you also being called names..haix...
i realise maybe im not even a friend to you.
we wanted to help you..
but instead you don't care about it..
instead you listen to him..and went out with them not going for the maths tutorial...
its just disappointment one after another..hoping that we could help you in your studies..
but you yourself are not putting in the effort..what can we say?
its your future...that you decided...no one can help you...
telling you many times...but you are not helping yourself..and even finds me irritating...
if im not your friend,i will not help..but the fact that i am your friend,i should..
things have happened,and there's no turning back anymore :(
to the other person:
please dun pretend to be that GREAT..
actually YOU ARE NOT.
you should help her,but you did not..haix..

2007-06-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

im feeling so so so moody now..haix...
i just dun understand myself sometimes...
how i wish i could be like my cousin(who is so happy-go-lucky always)haix...
holidays are bored,bored,bored...but school are reopening soon..sianx..
the wedding dinner yesterday was nice..
i saw him...he changed a lot le..
he's quite handsome...
just hoping that he would excel in his studies anyway..
i just realise i dun have confidence in myself..haiz..
i just wish there is someone who love me instead of me loving him..haix..
im feeling very tired already..haix..
just hoping that i could feel happy always..haix

2007-06-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like giving up all of a sudden..
i felt so useless...
my maths were so poor??
such simple question i also don't understand..
OMG!!might as well bang my head against the wall...hais...
who can i turn to??haix

2007-06-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

im so not feeling well now..haix..
my gastric is acting up last few days and till now,still not alright..haix.
have been going to school for fnn coursework..
wonder when will these day end??very stress with this coursework..
deadline is this friday...haix..once coursework A is done,another one will be coming on 28 june..
its so torturing doing these coursework..
im still thinking whether i will pass ma?haix..
at the same time,have not been studying other subjects..
sometimes i wondered where is the old me?
where i will always be studying and not slacking..
but now,i am slacking!!!don't feel like studying at all?
just what i am thinking?
i need some self-discipline!?!?
im so tired of going school everyday for my coursework..haix..
my cousin will be passing out of his camp today!!..
hurray to him!!!LOL..
so *envy* him.though he is in camp,he is still so loving with his gf..haha...

up till now,i realise my family is a family of blur sotongs...HAHA
my younger cousin threw his ez-link into the rubbish bin without realising until going up the bus..LOL..luckily,we went to look for his card before boarding the bus...LOL
and my elder cousin,ride his bike to return the rent cd..
and he went home without riding his bike back???LOL..
he forgotten he had ride his bike there until he could not found his bike at night..HAHA..
and when he went back,its gone..lol..
im also a blur sotong.too much things which happened to me for me to list here..lol.
but...though we are a blur sotongs family,I lurve them to bits...hehex..
none treat me as good as them other than one of my friend..hahax

2007-06-07T04:55:00.000-07:00

a tiring day today....
fnn for the whole day in school..lol..
mum and dad is going oversea today..
hope they enjoy their overseas trip..
im so grateful to my mum for helping me to prepare my dishes for my practical..Thanks..
im so glad i have such a good mum..hehex..Thanks a lot.

2007-06-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

seriously,im happy today..
dunno why???LOL..
but,at the same time,worried....haix..
im really scared that history would happen again...haix..

whenever i heard that you are leaving,i will feel sad..haix..
i just wanna tell you,imy...

2007-06-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

oh my god...
i really need some self-discipline...arghhh
have been using the net..not studying..
wth...am i thinking???
im feeling so moody yesterday..
but jingjing actually cheers me up...thanks..
i appreciate it..
i dun need to be a spare tyre friend to you..
if you think you are that great,then go ahead..
i don't care anymore...
i realise hating someone is so much tiring..
i dun wanna hate you or whatever le..
i just wanna be myself...
i will just treat you as a normal friend as to now..
we are not that close anymore..

2007-06-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

today was like such a rush day for me..
meet meiqi after i bath..
then went to econs buy thing.
went up to the lab 2..
start fnn..sianx..
hopefully my coursework can help me..hehex..
talk to friends while doing coursework too..lol
no matter what,don think too much.
don bother about what others think when you actually think that you did not do anything wrong.
you seem to be like what i had said in the lab during our conversation..lol
very different la..lol
but just hope you will be alright..i mean as in cheer up..
got problem can find me.cuz i will try my best to help you.
like what i had said,i know who is good to me who is not..
i felt so happy with myself afterall...
afterall,i had sorted out everything..hahax..

2007-05-31T06:25:00.000-07:00

i duno why..
i just feel so helpless sometimes when i saw him.
i blame myself for not being able to help him.
or share his sorrows..haix..
i know he is feeling bored staying at home.but there's no choice..haix..
hopefully faster days passes..
it don't look like its him this few days..haha..
my fnn is really driving me crazy!!!
im having such a big headache over my fnn now..arghhh.
its long since i saw you again.
stop being so fake trying to cover up yourself...
anyway,what we want are just some credit.not the hamper..

2007-05-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

went to school as usual...
jingjing overslept and she did not come again.
took for my friends ws..for physics,maths,geography..
so if u all saw tis,please try to get from me your worksheets..
maths,continue with probability..do ws..
then went for ss..one word...BORING...
went home after school,meet jingjing and went to east point..
shopping,buying of gifts
took photos too..Lol..
i enjoy the day today...cause took a lot of pics...hahax..
whatsmore with my bestie..hahax
went to the chalet...erm..okay okay la..
hope jr likes the present..
went for a while,then went home le..
panda drove van..hahax...congrats,got driving license le..hahax
suddenly,i kind of realise that
people does change
but it just some took a longer time to change totally,while some took a shorter time.
im starting to like dislike you le..
i don't wish to,but its your actions that make me pissed off..
STOP being so action and so FULL OF YOURSELF when you are not that clever..
if you can tell me you are clever,i can accept...
but fact is you are not..
laughing at people when they write funny things..
and what's more they are your friends..
i don't think you should have done that if you treated them as your friend
its like,if you have treated the person as your friend,and your friend wrote funny things for hw,
you should help her and not stay there laughing?
sometimes i cannot stand this type of person.
its not that i want to hate you or what,but its your actions and your attitude that piss me off..
[i did not state names here,if u are guilty,then you are the one]
Another matter is:
some of my friends and me felt so unfair lor..
wth,we did contribute and you all took the things by yourself..
you need to understand,we do not want the hamper..
but we want some credits can???
its not like our class did not contribute at all..
and according to some of my friends,we contribute more..
and you all just took the credits like that..
just felt so unfair and piss also when heard of this today..
even though,we did not contribute for some things..
but this hamper is for the recycling one..
so shouldn't we take some credits too..
anyway,dun wanna mention about this le..its over after today..haha.

2007-05-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

im feeling so so so blank in my mind..
its like what also cannot think properly..haix.
wanted to do compo...but...so blank..
cannot think of ideas...think gonna chiong tomorrow morning le..if not kana..
school tomorrow,and its so so so BORING..
don't feel like going,but was disallowed..
haix...all i could only said was sianx sianx sianx..
this holiday does not seem like a holiday to me..
studies..studies...studies..feeling so stress..
its more stress with people looking at you...haix..
blame myself on poor results...teacher's saying and saying..
in turn,naggin and nagging..
i admit i always say but no actions..
but this is not what i want too?
who would not want good results..haix..
but i told myself i will try my best..
push myself hard!
i don't want to regret for my actions..
up till now,i still have not decided where i would want to go??
i still dunno what i wants actually..
at this rate i am going,i don't think i will be able to achieve it..
i seem to be walking at a dead end now..
think i am gonna going to the beach tomorrow..i love the beach..
it gives me a relaxing feeling...hehex.
can't wait for tomorrow...
blogging really gives me feel better..hahax

2007-05-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

i still miss you afterall..even days passes..
i wanted to erase you from my mind,but im not able to do it
i tried not once but many times,but...i still failed..
sometimes i just feel that its hard just wanting to see you outside...haix..
i shall not comment on today's paper since its over le..
but all i can said is i did my best...hopefully miracle could happened...haix
i felt so relaxed after all le...
but with people seeing me do work,i will be more stress...
and i mean,sitting beside me to monitor me..haix
why,why,does i feel that sometimes its futile to be online when i did not see you online..
my only wish was to see you online..haix.
how i wish she was online too,so i could chat with her...
chatting with her,i really enjoyed it..
haix..but she's not online..

2007-05-25T05:23:00.000-07:00

im just feeling so stressed up now le..
i dunno what i can do sia..haix..
my studies,thought of my result,duno what i can do sia..
everybody(which include my aunt,uncle) keeps nagging at me,but have they ever felt how i felt??
being nagged every single day,and i mean it..is like so hard for me to..
im so stressed up with my work le..and here comes nagging again..
i feel like im gonna burst out soon le.
i duno whether when i will really go mad sia..
feel like crying out loud,but can i??
i also have my own troubles,
thing are adding up and up in my burden..this is how i felt sometimes after being nagged..
being told to do somethings which was like im not the cause..
can you all really understand the pressure i have now??
having to clear my chinese this time so i can have one less subject to concentrate..
but nagging comes again..how am i to take it??
i really feel like forgetting you...but you just keep coming to my mind..though i already knew we are impossible...i accept the fact..haix
i just need encouragement from you and it will brights up my life..
i miss you is only what i can say in my heart,but unable to say out..=[
i am just facing too much stress in me..
im sorry friends,
im always in a low spirits...haix..
keeping quiet..
but this is not what i want too..
i wanna be a happy and cheerful girl..
but sometimes it just seems hard to me with this stress level going in me..
nobody can understand how i felt when im home..
sister complaining about me to people..
and here comes the nagging again..
sometimes at that point of time,i feel like ending my life,so that i won't get anymore nagging?
its just like going on and on in my life..
I just wanna a life without nagging..can??
eunice:
i can understand how you feels,cause i have gone through this before
but i hope you can cheer yourself up..
your life is still full of many wonderful things..
do not bother about those who makes you angry...etc
instead feel happy,show them that without them as your friend,you can still lead a happy life...
Feel free to sms me to tell me if u are angry....or what
i will try to help you..\
and also by doing that,you will feel better cuz you have said out all your anger..
Lastly,enjoy your secondary life...
you are in secondary 1 only,life is still full of many wonderful things..
You might face these problems again,but just let things take its nature course..
Things will be alright.Cheer up!

2007-05-24T00:59:00.000-07:00

i duno why..
my mood was actually pissed off just now..
but now,i don't bother about it le...
i felt happy..thinking of some things..(its like a rare sight...hahax..thanks..)
doing coursework,and im so gonna confused myself le..
i also dunno what i am doing..LOL..
im getting more and more confused le..
hopefully can get it done..(thanks meiqi for help)
actually i don't understand why??
is it because of my stress in me,and it leads to me having mood swings..
a while im so happy..and the other while,i will be feeling so down...haix..
sometimes i really hope i could see him online...PLEASE!!!..
just this once and i will be so happy!!!!LOL...
he just give me a very deep impression..HAHA
though i know that i should not like him?
and its wrong..haix..
but i just can't...
my only wish is to just see him online??
I really hate doing coursework sia...arghhh..

2007-05-22T00:33:00.000-07:00

would you be there to give me more encouragement?
would you be there for me when i am feeling low?
would you be there for me when i need you?
though i know that liking you is wrong but i can't stop thinking of you
would you still be there for me if i confess??
haix..im just feeling so low now..
going out for walk soon...if not my mood would not improve at all.
maybe the only person who could cheer me up is my cousin.
He really brights up my life...
with his company,all i could feel was happiness and laughter..
but he is not at home..sobx..

2007-05-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

remembered what mrs suganda had said..
i felt so true by what she had said..
we had no actions..but just saying and saying only..
action speak louder than words...haix..
i felt so remorseful when i heard what she had said..
and also thought of my results..
duno what i have been doing..
but its obvious that i did not put in any effort,...
that's why i had this shit results..
im sure getting more nagging on saturday le...haix..
i hope i could get good results the next time and won't let anyone down..
hopefully,can clear my chinese on monday once and for all.
im still in a low mood today..
i just know that i miss you more..haix

2007-05-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

i felt so pissed off when i am teaching maths in some group...
i was like wth...
i cannot stand the person's attitude..
dun think that you are that great....
and its not as if i want to teach like this..
i felt nervous when i teach too,as im afraid my friends don't understand..
i hope u all would understand too,but you just give me that attitude...
i just hate you now!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-21T00:41:00.000-07:00

todae had 8 periods of chinese...lOL..
first time had so many periods of chinese..hahax..
and its at the knowledge zone and is so much better...hehe..
during ss lesson,mdm lee told mdm fara that we not going for her lesson.
and mdm fara face turns black.hahax..
then me and some chinese girls went up get our ss mark...haha..
after that,continue si han again..
so stress sia,,teacher reminding us that o level chinese next week..
and today so many periods...its like volcano erupting soon...like at a time have to take in so much..lol..
1.15 we go off,then me and jingjing went up to class..no appetite for lunch..
my mood suddenly turns so moody...thinking of him..
felt a little irrritated too sometimes.i duno why..
listen to songs,felt so much better...
fell asleep..lOL.
then mdm irma lesson also fell asleep...damn tired..
i dun understand why i keep thinking of you..
but i don't want myself to like you...
i hope that won happen..
but sometimes,things proved me wrong..??
what am i suppose to do??
i know its wrong to like you..but i just can't stop myself thinking..
i am really going mad sometimes..
thanks jingjing for the talk,though u know im stress up just now..
i appreciate it,i will try your method..hahax.
i might flare up my temper anytime,so if u provoke me or asked me things at wrong time..(when im feeling irritated and don't feel like talking)
but im sorry,i don't mean it...
up till now,i still feel i had let someone down.,.but i hope i won't anymore...Sorry!
i don't wanna say names here due to some of my personal reasons...

2007-05-20T02:38:00.000-07:00

im just feeling so stress now...
naggings and naggings around me telling me its the o-level...arghh..
i need a break...
failing english will means nagging from my mum..
what's more is 3 subjects...haix...omg!!!
so sick of the naggings...
more naggings=more stress to me...arghhh!!!!
i feel like exploding soon...
i dun like this feeling in me...
yesterday went vivo watch night movie..SPIDERMAN 3..
a nice movie...watch till 12 midnight..
went home..wash up and sleep liao..LOL..
today..another day out...hahax..
just love going out instead of cooping at home...hahax..
all of a sudden,i felt like i had let someone down..
but all i could say is sorry!!!
i will bear what you had said in my mind..
hopefully i am able to do it...
all i can feel now is the disappointment

2007-05-18T02:48:00.000-07:00

results...
can say is bad...
but still okay...
have some surprises in my marks..LOL
i din expect my maths paper 2 to be able to pass???
but im glad...cuz i did not finish may questions..and i still managed to pass..
thank god..LOL..
chinese...quite disappointed...a few marks to a1...sobbxx...sobbxx..
anyway,no matter what,mux jia you le..LOL..
5n1 peeps,Jia you too..don't give up so easily..we can do it!!
tomorrow going for movies..hahax..
happy,that going out..if not lock at home..so sianx..hahax..
*to my friends who fail their subjects too,Don't give up!Jia you!we shall achieve good results together...so that teachers won be disappointed*

2007-05-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

went to school as usual..
woke up with a dull mood..sianx...
so unfair...the lower secs have their post exam activities..
but we wanna relax also cannot..stress sia..
then first period is science(physics)
took back results...basically happy with it...achieve my goal..
but my chem results.had pulled me down...sobx...so disappointing for my chem..
after recess,maths..teacher said it was disappointing..haix..expected..
after that english,nagging and nagging....but sadly to say..10 passes only..
then is chinese..quite happy with it though,but needs improvement..
Jia you!!!Jia you!!!
i must believe i can do it..
everybody in 5n1 jia you too!!!
we must believe in ourselves...

2007-05-15T03:02:00.000-07:00

exams are over..
and i duno what's wrong with me..
the mcq science questions i make a lot of mistake...
and its not diffcult de..its those easy de...
its like common sense de..
and i make those mistakes..
i duno what the hell i am thinking at that time when i do this questions...arghh..
tomorrow get results le..
i wonder what will my "beautiful" results be like...haix..
watching summer beach this few days..
its a nice ou xiang ju...
lending other shows after finishing this one today..LOL..
i lurve watching this shows..hahax..
yesterday i found out one of my long lost friend e-mail..LOL..
im so happy...cuz she was once my best friend in primary school...
hahax...i miss the times we had in primary school..hahax

2007-05-11T04:37:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im so Happy....LOL..
went out with friends since no school...hahax..
bought the tickets for 200 pounds beauty..:)
then left 3 hours plus to the show..so just stay near this area..
went to century 2nd floor...see got nice clothes ma..
but dun have..so went to first floor..
the shop COAX have nice clothes...tried 2 clothes..
then bought one of it...LOL..
then went to take mrt to simei..
before that,went into a shop near the mrt station de...beside the bubble tea de..
tried clothes..
bought an off-shoulder one..LOL..I LOVE THAT LOADS!!!
then went to simei..
see got 3/4 pants ma?..then went to a shop try..
try many..then i found out the price is 50 dollars..wth...
then i told coewe..and the person asked coewe what i said..
coewe bluff her say i say not comfortable...
then the person like so angry..
tell me"then can you pass me the pants inside"in a bad attitude way..
then so pissed off...wth...
then gif her le..went to change out..and gif her the pants back..
such an attitude person...duno how to do business de..
then went to see necklace..
bought a heart shaped necklace for my clothes..hahahahaha..19.90
then went to see ear ring..bought 2..
and went off to tm to eat le then watch movie..
was so funny in front...but behind was so sad....
haix...the guy was so handsome!!!and the girl was pretty...
LOL..
i was so HAPPY today
bought 2 clothes,2 necklace,2 ear rings,think that's all...hahax..
tomolo another shopping day at TOPSHOP..
i wanna buy that clothes!!!hahahahaha...
i felt so relax this few days...hahax..
in such a good mood..LOL
Thanks to my friends too..hahax

2007-04-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

im back to blog...
life is so stress...i feel like giving up sometimes..
but i told myself to perservere but...its hard...haix...
im having diffculties everywhere...in my studies...
but..who could i approach...other than teachers....haix...
stress...stress...stress..
not enough time for me always...
and i feel like stopping the time sometimes...haix...
exams are really making me going mad!!!!!

2007-04-24T03:04:00.000-07:00

a long time since i blog..
saturday went for cross country..
then after that went home bath...
then afternoon,3 plus took bus to meiqi house there...
then went to take 34 to go airport study..was fun..
but din really study....hahax..
i regretted going there...seriously(cause of some personal stuffs)..haix..
why must it happened?and it affected me..haix..
just go away,get out of my sight please...this is what i hope..
my mood was so down..
on the bus home,decided to on music to relax myself..
im just so stress up..
with studies..with my life...haix..
i don't want to think of you..but it just came to my mind suddenly..haix..
im so confused now too...
sunday:
still not in a good mood..sianx...
was thinking of things instead of revising work...i must be mad..haix..
Monday:
blues.....kept quiet..
don't feel like talking..i don't know why either..
sititng alone in class..cuz meiqi never come..hahax..
quite bored..no one to talk to..
lunch..someone said something..
and i thought about it??
is it true?
can i hope it will not be true??
im just not in the mood...
but seeing somebody does makes me happy..
i think i am going bonkers if this happens..
cuz i know for that,it won't happen..
but why does my mind keep thinking of the other him??
there's 2 person on my mind now...haix..
but its quite torturing to know that you have 2 persons on your mind at the same time..
and you even know that there will not be any good ending for this..haix..
Today one teacher makes me happy with what she had said..Thanks..
but i still think i am..hahax..

im just so stress up with my life..
im so confused..
so many feelings in my heart at one time..
i cannot take it..
i feel like going bonkers soon if this is going to happen for long..
i need someone to talk to...can i?
but who can i turn to?
im just so afraid...haix
wo hen xiang ting de hua..
ni neng gao shu wo ma??
i have no mood for anything this few days..
im just so down....
things have been going out of my control...
i dunno how could i stop it..
i just hope time could stop....
at least,i will have the time

2007-04-14T05:31:00.000-07:00

millions thanks to that someone(my so-called counsellor or god-brother?)hahax
every thing had take for a change le..
took someone advices..
and apologise..
and i think everything is alright le?
and my mood changes le..
it becomes better when i knew the answer.
i hope everything would be alright..
i just want to have a good friendship in secondary school..
i wanna maintain it that way.
i don't want all this to happen again..
afternoon,it feel like hell for me..
when i am bored,i will think of it le..
i need to occupy myself with things in the afternoon..
but now,i HOPE everything will not happen le.

2007-04-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

i think i am going through hell now...
i just need some counselling..who can help me?
words are easier to said then be done.
I need more time.
the stress in me is like piling up..and there is this problem not settle yet..wth
my school works,my revision have been lacking liao...
i have not been revising liao..slacking and slacking..
for just ONE reason...i just don't wanna be bothered..
but you know..saying is just so easy than be done..
I have tried..but i just need more time..
I feel like i have been pressurize and i just feel like knocking my head on the wall..
Its just so..i am just so stressed up with my life..
I don't know what i could do to stop all this..arghh..
its just driving me crazy..
i had a bad dream last night..
haix..hopefully it won't happened..
i don't want my friends to leave me alone..
I just want the joy in school..haix..
Sometimes i was just thinking whether was it my fate or retribution in the past life..
Every year without fail,i have to go through this kind of problems..
secondary 1..2...3...4...5
This is my important year,i don't want to be affected..
But all the sayings are easier said to be done..
Its just affecting me le...
Please,can someone give me some counselling..
I just want some happy life in school...haix
I still rememebered last Tuesday,it was just so fun during ss...haha..
can i have some of that moments too again?
Im just so stressed up le...=[

2007-04-13T01:32:00.000-07:00

Friends are just like food
Some help us, some harm us.
Some inspire us to grow day by day,
Some eat into the existence of our very soul
In a way or manner, we choose what we eat
Just like the way we choose our friends
Home cooked food
Junk Food
Snacks
Medication
Outside Food
Just some of the kind of friends that we meet
Have you chosen what kind of food you eating today?

Home Cooked Food
These are friends who nurture us day by day, helping us to grow in strength and character. A mixture of meat and vegetables, proteins, carbohydrates and vitamins in between, these friends do their best to help us succeed. As we become older in life, home cooked food becomes a rarity, so savor it when you do get a chance to eat. Perhaps this is what true friends are because they make our lives complete and fulfilled. It may be simple and bland but who can ever understand the joy of simplicity? It is not the taste of the food that matters but who and how it was prepared that matters more.

Junk Food
These are friends that are there for a quick pick me up. When we are sad and down, when we are in need for someone to be there for us, they are those whom we find nearest to us and we consider them friends because of our innate need to feel loved and accepted by others. These are the kind of people who participate in frivolous things whose ideas of fun include inputting poison into one’s own body. What kind of a sick perverse concept is it to have alcohol, tar and drugs pumped up one’s veins as an idea of enjoyment. Sometimes in our hearts, our morality tells us it is wrong to waste the time away or to “kill” ourselves. Companionship is what we look for in these people and the more we eat them, the sicker we become. We become fat and obese and severely unhealthy as time passes by. If nothing is done to stop this diet of ours, such friends may eventually lead us to our “death”. We begin to lose the meaning of life and we begin to ask ourselves this question: Was the initial thrill and excitement that was promised all worth our lives?

Snacks
We have them when we feel like it, when we crave for a certain feeling or taste. We eat them bit by bit and sometimes, we eat them like there is no tomorrow. They are cheaper than junk food and more readily available, 7 Eleven, supermarkets or the nearby grocery shop. Everywhere you go you can find it. There are also more varieties to choose from and yet their origins unknown. No one really knows how they were created or what their ingredients are composed of. They work the same way as junk food except that the effects are slower. Ways of “dying” are more unique and interesting. Would you rather die quickly with excruciating pain or a slow painful death?

Medication
These are what help us to recover when we are sick, when we have a headache, a tummy ache, a sore throat or a heart burn. We look to medication to give us that relief from all the pain and suffering that our choices have caused us. Over time such intense use of medication can lead to an addiction where we become too dependent on them for us to feel good. It becomes really sad when this medication indicates how much we love ourselves.

Outside food
These are the kind of friends that appear to be like home cooked food, nurturing, caring and kind, always willing to lend a helping hand etc. However behind these curtains of deception lies a treacherous truth that may shock us all. The oil, MSG and fats slowly eat into us and cause us to fall without us even knowing about it. It becomes a convenient substitute for people who we consider our true friends. This is the kind of food that appears most commonly in our lives. Some claim they have less oil, more vegetables and are the healthier choice, how do we really know what lies on this plate?

Sometimes in life, we make lousy choices. We get friends who backstab us in the end, some who kick up a big fuss over a little disagreement, some who become emotionally unstable at the slightest moment. Yet, there are a small handful of these friends who make all the search worthwhile.

This is what i get from Gary's blog.And i think what he had said is so true..
There are just so many types of friends in this world..we do not know what they are thinking sometimes too..
i am just too tired of things going on now..
can anyone just understand what i am feeling now??
its like...
im stress with my work..and now this friendship things had to happened...
and there's nothing i can do to stop everything.
i will just tell myself to not think too much
what i want is just to be happy..
can i regain those laughters again??
i just wanna tell that someone to think carefully what you had done to make me do all this to you..
Just search your conscience..

2007-04-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

today seems like a tired day sia..
first period is english...free period...shiok...LOL..
slacking and slacking..
then recess time..did not eat..no appetite...hahax..
having migraines...sianx...the pain in just so unbearable...
feel so tight inside my mind...arghhh...
then is maths..
im just so blur with my maths le..who willing to help me..haix..
then chinese...took back test result....
then pe..free period...teacher never come..haha..listening to songs..LOL..
then is physics...go thorough tys again...sianx...
then lunch...ate rice...
want to buy 100 plus...but the machine eat up one of my ten cents and i short of 10 cents...arghh..
buy milo..needed some cold drinks..hahax..
does not feel any better...haix..
Felt so "tight in my mind"feel like exploding sia..haha..
i need panadols..but no one have...haix..
then fnn...don feel like doing coursework...sianx liao..
i think my coursework also no hope le..
just feel so stress with my studies...
dunno what the hell i am doing sia..haix...
im just tried of it le
just feel like ending things le..
im just so tired...
have no idea as to what i could do...haix..
nothing can salvange it le..
but now what i want is just being happy..
i don't wanna bother about anything le..
Happiness just does not come by easily..
so just cherished it..lol..
my cousin going into army today le..
hopefully everything will be alright for him and he would be able to enjoy the times inside with his new friends...tc..

2007-04-11T01:59:00.000-07:00

wohooo...
this few days are HAPPIE days for me..LOL..
cause i have got the company of my friends..LOL..
the jokes are always so funny...hahax...
and also not forgetting jingjing(the.......)LOL..
the 2 of us keep dee-siaoing each other.hahax..
but its fun to dee-siao her..LOL...
and mengzhi will be daydraming...hahaz...
Today had 2 free periods...
slack and slack..hahax...
do some chemistry..
sianx..all dunno de..die liao le lor..haix..
worried for fnn too...haix...
my research questions is like so out of topic leh..
but i also cannot change liao..haix.
fnn means no hope for me liao le...hahax..
just a pass for coursework is happie for me le..LOL
tomolo gonna be greater day...Wohoooo

2007-04-10T02:16:00.000-07:00

im back..LOL..
these few days are happie days for me..haha..
i dunno why,but just feel so happie..
but every morning,woke up wanna go school..but having this sianx mood..
hoping to have FREE periods in school..LOL..
but only 2 periods free on monday..hahax..
today,during ss...was playing with jingjing..hahax..
and now my hand are in a terrible state now..LOL..
cause full of marker marks..haha..
was trying to borrow markers,but instead jingjing borrow first instead...arghhh..
and that's why i use highlighters and she use markers..LOL..
that's why my hand is full of markers mark..LOL..
had a fun day in school these few days..all because of that pig..hahax

2007-04-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

a few more days...
and my cousin is going into the army..haix..
he's the best cousin i had ever met..
always helping me whenever i need help in my studies(though he is fierce)
hopefully he is able to cope inside..lol...
and wish him and his gf would be able to stay lovely forever even if he's in the army..hehe
Just wanna say i love all my cousins and families..hahax..
they are always there for me no matter what happen...haha
went to bugis just now..
had a fun time..
and my aunt suddenly told me maybe when i am 17 years old..
she will apply for me credit card...shhhhhhhh...
omg..so happie la..hahax..
credit card..
it had been what i had wanted for long..
but dunno whether can mah..haha..
cuz normally is 18 years then can de..LOL
i think i need to rest le..very tired..hahax

2007-04-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

I just dunno what i had been thinking sia..haha...
im tryin to use homworks to numb myself...
i dun wan myself to think too much..
hopefully i would be successful..haha

I love family gatherings!!!!LOL
it makes me feel happy...hahax...
but the time just passes so fast..haix...
I love everyone to bits..
including some of my frenx...
they colours my life..Thanks

2007-04-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

i had misunderstood your words..
i thought u were saying not to believe in people?LOL
i also dunno what u meant too?hahax
im just very afraid now to believe in people le...
maybe i would jus keep things to myself...
or just blog it out here...blogging makes me feel better..
but i still have trust in some people..haha..
im afraid of the word..friendship le..haix
its been 5 years,and it seems like every year i also have problems...
and its the same one
friendship...
im now very afraid le..haix..
in the morning,still was thinking of dying to solve problems..
its true,if u dun believe,i have nothing to say.
i felt like life had nothing meaningful for me at all?
maybe it was just my fate..
but i have come to terms with it le..after having some fresh air at the beach..
i felt so relaxed...
but i still choose to believe in my assumption..
even though you all had said..nope..like what i had said..LOL
i hope nothing will happen le..
i will be so affected if it happens again.
i have not been studying...have been slacking...haix.
i just have no mood..
this are all my feelings...No offence please...
i dunno whether i will choose to believe in friendship again?
cuz i had been having so many problems for this..
im feeling very tired le..
trying my best to use homeworks for me to numb myself..
so that i won't think too much
i rather myself going bonkers now rather than thinking too much
cuz im simply too tired of things going on
I just wanna say one last sentence..
I love all of you as my FRIEND.muacks..LOL..

2007-04-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

went to no signboard seafood to eat dinner..
my cousin treating..wanted a family gathering since he's going to army..
lol..sad...he will be going into army next week le..haix..
time just passes so fast..
went to the beach after dinner..
i felt so relax..
its long since i felt like this le..
a nice feeling...
then went walk around..
then went to the man-made lake..i think so la..
people were skilling...wow..cool...LOL..
then after that went back tampines..
eat dessert..hahax.
and came home..felt like blogging..hahax
i din know that she would actually come and read it.
but she and she misinterpret it le..
i does not mean that..
i was so shocked when i receive her sms..
she had misunderstood me...haix..
but now the misunderstanding had been cleared..as mengzhi helped me explained..
but i think the other she also does not cared de..haha...im sorry but u just give me have this feeling
thanks for believein in me..
i was so flustered because i dun wan the friendship to be gone like this..
i was so afraid at tat time.

2007-04-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

just what am i doing??
im having so many mixed feelings now..
confused,sad,irritated,feel like dying..
i am so confused over things going on le...
i dunno exactly why things are happening..
can someone tell me why?
i duno what i did to deserve all this?
i know all this just would not stopped.
so i just have to say..say all that you want.
i cannot stop you..
things are just keep going on and on.
i thought of dying..maybe it does solve matters?
but i dunno whether its a good solution.
i am not dying cuz of this problems.
families does makes me irritated too..
i cannot take it..
i just need some breathing space..
can't i just listen to music?
can you just stop nagging at me..
im really very tired le..
im tired of all things going on
naggings going on..things going on in school...homeworks
i know the 2 of you just don't want to tell me the truth.
as you all don't want me to be thinking too much..
and maybe this is the best solution.
so now,i must forget everything!but i need time
i had lost trust in friendship once.
and 2 of u give me believe again.
as for now,i duno whether to believe in it again or not?
5 years of friendship,and it became like this.
2 years of friendship seems to be stronger than 5 years.
i dunno what to say.
i had treasured this friendship until now...but now i don't think i should anymore.
if i am starting to be cold towards you,i think that is what you should deserved.
but hopefully i would not..
no names being mentioned here...so dun GUESS!
im tired...this is all that i could say...i feel like having a break from everyting.
maybe homework could numb me afterall..
i don't want to be aware of things going on le
I WANT TO BE MYSELF NOW!!
I WILL TRY MY BEST!
thanks meiqi..maybe what u said in my tag.is true...
i would not doubt them..but i duno whether i had lost trust in friendship already..
Thanks afterall...
I love blogging.it make me feel good after typin...LOL

[i think of you whenever i am in problems..
cuz u seems to chase away my problems for me]

2007-04-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to express myself to my friends...
but i just want to say,i hope i could have friends who won't talk behind each other.
no hypocrites,no backstabbing.
i just wanted true friends.is it that hard?
Maybe if i have friends like meiqi and gang.
i would be happy as i think there is no backstabbing or hypocrites in them.
they are just so true towards each other..
i just wanted friends like this.
no hating of each other,true to each other.
help each other when there are problems.
i just wanted friends who are always there for each other.
having fun in school with each other.no sadness.
but i don't think i have that kind of good friendship.
i'm sad to know that too.but i cannot do anything
but i know i have 2 friends always there for me.thanks!but am i wrong about all this?lOL
am i wrong or correct about friends?
i don't know,but i wished i am not wrong at all.
I REALLY WISH TO HAVE GOOD FRIENDSHIP...
since this is my last year already.
i'm just so confused by things sometimes.haix.
i need some motivation again..PLEASE!!!!!
i mean in work..have not being studying..

2007-04-04T02:23:00.000-07:00

i can have nothing to say if you keep doing this..
you had hurt me without knowing yourself...
i choose not to know the truth as i know it would be hurtful..
i don't want it to affect me too..
as i am easily affected...
you had done it once,and now again and again...
i know this won't stop even if we had said it out properly..
i am just sad to know about all this...
but i told myself..
i should not bother about what others say!
and i will try my very best..

i am just sad to know..
so i'm here to type it out cuz it would let me feel better...
stop guessing who i am talking about if you don't know
OMG!!i am so happie today..LOL..
i have not felt so happy before for so long...LOL..
i love the song to bits..haha
it reflects my feelings..hahax..maybe that's why

2007-04-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

i love this song...intro by someone..LOL
it does seems to be what i am feeling

When I'm down and all alone
When nothing seems to matter
When I lose my hope
When I'm sad and confused

When it all gets turned around and 'round
I can't seem to reach for solid ground
When everything I've believed in seems untrue
All I have to do

[Chorus]
Is think of you
I think of you and it's gone
Like you chase away the storm
Making it all okay
I think of you
I think of you and I'm strong
And I know I can go on
It's like you set me free
When life gets the best of me
I just think of you

Now I know what love means
And whatever life may hold for me
Through the fire
Through the rain I believe

Cause there's nothing I can't bear
Knowing that you will be there
If I fall I won't break
Through it all I'll make it through
Cause all I have to do

[Chorus]

And when I think I'm all alone
I can't see the way to go
Lost in the rain of my own tears
To wash away the pain and fear

[Chorus]

For the good times and the bad times
I just think of you
Cause you know you get the best of me
I just think of you

2007-04-03T01:05:00.000-07:00

can someone give me some motivation in me?
i really need tat motivation...
if not i really cannot do anything...
i cannot study...
don't have the mood.
don't feel like talking
don't feel like doing anything...
and in the end,i will be the only one to suffer...
i don't want this to carry on...
i will only be miserable...
these few days really very slack for me..
going home and going out for some breathing space.
just no mood to do anything.
so don't ask me..
but i am really disappointed in myself..
i don't want myself to carry on like this..
but what could i do?
can someone please save me out of all this..arghh..
i'm going bonkers soon

2007-04-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just keep feeling...
people just cannot be trusted...(though nothing happen at all)
but i still chooses to believe and have my most trust in her..
cause i know she will always help me.
but i am just feeling so helpless sometimes in things i do?
i don't even understand why??
just feeling so helpless.and feel like suffocating myself.
choose to keep things to myself sometimes.
as i don't wish to say it out..
maybe its not the best way..but what can i do?
i just feel like having some quiet moments.
just feel like walking alone...having peace...
i just feel so irritated sometimes when i'm at home(not my own home)
having naggings and naggings..
cannot take it....going bonkers soon...
but only my cousin is the only one who can cheer me up..haha
he can just makes me laugh at any time...i wonder why too??

2007-04-02T01:21:00.000-07:00

its long since i blog..
mainly because i am always going out...LOL..
yesterday i am on the verge on killing people sia..
just suddenly have a mood change yesterday..
dun feel like doing anything except slacking...
i don't understand why too??
i feel like i am going bonkers anytime soon..
haix...i'm just feeling so stressed up in me..
having so many things to do..
but i just cannot keep track of it...
being feeling so lost..

2007-03-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

have been feeling kind of confused and moody in my heart...haix..
but i keep telling myself to look on the bright side..
and now i am kind of alright le..haha...
maybe its all just imaginations of mine...lols..hopefully...
i don't wish it to be true too...
nobody noes this..
sometimes i think its better for me to keep things to myself rather than telling people..though i have trusted frens too.
but i just dun wish to say it out too..
i need some quiet moments too..
feeling so stress...
you all might think what i am stressing about?i am just different from you all.that's all i can say..
problems and problems appearing in front of me..haix..
but i choose not to say only.
sometimes its better to rely on myself rather than others..
its just so hard to call people to help you.
if i were clever....and that would be wonderful..haix..
just blame myself for being born out to be stupid..
its a fact that i had missed him..haix.

2007-03-29T02:20:00.000-07:00

i'm caught in some agony myself..
i dun know what i should do?
but i don't know who can i talk to?
not say that i don't want tell her..but its like..i just don't know how to describe my feelings out?
i dunno whether can it be counted as love
but all that i can say is whenever i saw him,i'm happy...haha
my fnn coursework is driving me nuts....
dun understand what cher wants...

2007-03-26T02:01:00.000-07:00

i felt really better after clarifying everything.
hopefully things does go well for our friendship..
like what i had said,i don't wish anything to happen anymore
cause i am feeling stress over my studies already.
its already quite a burden for me.i cannot take stress.
so hopefully,things does goes well.
i cannot take it anymore if things were to happen again.
i might go bonkers.
cause things in life like friendship was important to me and part of my life too.
i really hope i does not irritate anyone too.I'm sorry if i did.
but i will try my very best not to disturb you all.
i'm glad too to have friends support..especially my best friend.
thanks friends,for understanding me.
i'm very stress today.
after all i realize that i should not care about what others say.
as long as i am myself,its already alright for me.
but sometimes i can't help wanting to know the truth.
truth does hurt,and affect my concentration on studies too(like what happen to last year..haix..i regretted knowing the truth)
sometimes things in life hurts..
but we can't do anything.=[
i just want to lead a happy and enjoyable days in school everyday.
am i able to do that?
i would not care about that particular her again(it's not referring to one of my good friend)
she's just too fake for me to know.lol
sometimes i just hate her.haha..
but i will forget about those hatred..cause i dun wan it to affect me.LOL

2007-03-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

my mind seems to be in a whirl..
i have no idea what i should do so that all this can be resolve..
if i said,things will surely be ugly..
if i don't say,i will not be able to tolerate it?
so what should i do?
i feel like going to the front and say everything.
but things will turn out ugly and bad?
which i don't want this to happen?
can someone tell me what i should do?
i thought of all the negative things..
but i really hope it won't happen?

2007-03-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

i realise i miss him afterall..
haix...its days since i last saw him...lol
i felt so HAPPY today..
maybe cause i had said out what i had wanted to say to my friends all along...
my cousin bought wii...
play the game..so fun sia...LOL..
had a fun time playing...
today really is a happy day for me..hahax..
happiness does not come by easily...lol
i will not care about any comments made by people le..
i want to be myself!
Thanks for telling me all those,i will strive for the best!
My family is always there for me..Thanks

2007-03-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

this post is just a message for some of my friends.my purpose of this post is let friends know i appreciate their help very much and i hope our friendship stays forever.I am not flavouring anyone.All this are just what i had felt in my heart.thanks.thanks for always helping me.

Krinz:
thanks for believing in me.Thanks.i did not regret in having you as my friend.instead i am glad that i know you.You does light up my life as a friend.Thanks!hope our friendship stays forever and rock on..lol

Jingjing:
Thanks for always being there for me no matter when i am feeling up or down.Thanks.I really appreciate your help.You are my best and trusted friend.you let me realise what friends are for and who are my true friends.thanks.You give me a lot of advices on life.Thanks.I don't know other than thanks what i can say.Thanks.Thanks for your listening ear whenever i am feeling down.May your relationship with panda last forever.Thanks once again.I won't forget you de..cause you are the only one whom helped me a lot.Sorry for bothering you whenever i am having problems too.You are not well yesterday,hope you feeling alright already.

Gloria:
Thanks for always lending a listening ear when i need.Though i did not confide in you already,but you are still my good friend.Thanks.Life with you in class is really very fun.Thanks.

Meiqi:
I had sat with you for about one week already.As what i had said,i can feel that your attitude towards study is getting better le.Strive harder okay?Jia you!I won't forget our deal de.Some might think that i am just flavouring you when i always help you.But all i can say is it is not true.I really wanted to help you as a friend.I don't know whether you will believe ma,but my purpose in helping you is just wanting to help you get good grades.I can see you are striving very hard and i wanted to help you whenever i can.I can do nothing if other choose to think that i am flavouring you.Jia you!you are one of my good friend too.Thanks for your listening ear too.Hope your relationship with your dear is an everlasting one too!

Zhishan:
Thanks for helping me when i need help.I really appreciate your help a lot.Thanks.Though i might not be close to you,but i just wanted to say i treasure you as my friend.

George:
Thanks for helping me in my science.Lol...though sometimes you might be irritating,but you still make a good friend.Thanks for your help!I appreciate it too.!

xuanhui:
Thanks for your help in science too!i appreciate a lot.Thanks.though i know you not long ago,but i know that you are really very helpful.Helping me whenever i am in diffculties.Thanks.Wish you success in whatever you do in the future.Thanks

Cheryl:
Miss going drama?LOL...i miss the times when we are in drama and we would chat about everything..Thanks for your help at that time too..hahax...Thanks for your help in my studies too...Hope your poly life would be a happy one for you.hahax.Thanks once again.

To those whom i did not list out in my post here,all of you are also my friends.Don't be mistaken.But its this people whom i listed out on top always helping me whenever i am having problems.That's why my post here is to thank them specially.May our friendship last forever...=]

2007-03-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

although the truth hurts me...
but i just have to accept it..
i am slowly getting us to it...
but i hope things won't go overboard..
if not i will really be unable to take it.
i don't understand why you did it..
but this also means that you don't know me well...
i don't expect all this to happen actually..
and i also don't understand why it happens..
it affected me a lot..
some might think by it affects me..
but all i can only say is i cherish it a lot..
but now it seems i have enough of hurt in me..
i don't think it is a joking matter sometimes.
that is from my point of view.
and i know some of you might think it is a joking matter.
i am afraid to know the truth.
but i really wants to know.though it will hurt me..
you might not think it is hurting,cause you are not the one in my shoe
i can on;y say my life seems to be in a mess now..
having stress in me,in my life..
but i am lucky to have frens beside me.
thanks a lot.you all light up my life a lot.
you all might not know.but you all let me realise the happiness of having friends.
thanks is only what i can say.
and especially to HER,thanks a lot.
i know i said it a lot of times,but all i can say is you HELPED me a lot of times.
there's nothing that i can express my gratitude to you.
but just helping you when you needs help.
THANKS.
thanks for lending a shoulder to me when i need.
thanks for giving me advices.to let me really understand somethings
thanks for always being there for me no matter happy or sad.
thanks for believing in me.
you are just my truly trusted and best friend in the whole of 5 years i had in school
i had lost trust in some of my friends.
but they are still my good friends.
but you are still the one and only one friend whom let me realise what friends are actually for!
thanks! =]
i'm glad i have such a best friend beside me always.THANKS.

2007-03-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

sometimes i don't understand what is the purpose of everything?
i'm having moodswings again..
i need songs there for me...
to let me feel better..
and once more i can only said i hate hypocrites...
i'm really very stress out with things happening in my life..
and stress with my studies...
i am having problems..
i feel like ending my life to solve everything...
i just feel very suffocated all of a sudden...
but there is only 2 person whom i know will be there for me as a friend...
i would not say names here..but i think the person know is them
just why is all this happening?
can someone explain to me?
my mind seems to be in a whirl....
i need some breathing space...
i really cannot stand it...
did not feel that good..
went out for some walk...
felt better a little
i'm going mad if this carries on..
can someone put a stop to everything?
sometimes i just cannot help thinking of what......had said...
though i know that i told myself i should not bother...
but one thing is i felt hurt...haix...
i need some peace

2007-03-22T01:11:00.000-07:00

changed our seating arrangements...
quite pleased with it..as sitting with meiqi...LOL
but we were not always talking to each other...
i teach her questions she don't know..
after 3 days sitting with her,i can feel that she had changed a lot..
changed to a person who is very hardworking..and ask questions when she don't understand till she understands.
she's really trying her best for everything she does in her subjects..
Jia you!i have confidence in you that you will excel well if you continues on..
yesterday after school,don't feel like going home..
so went slacking with jingjing.
had fun sia..hahax..
she's mad already..LOL
then had many chats too.
it really lets me understand how things are going on all this while..
and i am really shocked to know..
this is a secret..not for saying..
but now i realise already...LOL..
i know some people are saying things behind my back...(just have this feeling)
but all i can say is say all that you want.
no matter what you had said,i won't bother about it.
since its your mouth and its not my mouth.
i cannot stop you for saying things you want.
i don't need hypocrites friends beside me too...
[i did not state names..so please don't anyhow guess and get things worse]
pretending to be on good terms with me,and behind my back backstabbing me and saying things about me.
i am just saying SORRY..i don't bother about it at all..
though i said i don't bother about it...but i just need time to forget about all this unhappiness.
If you think you are not doing things against your conscience,then go ahead with it...
If you think you are all saying the truth about it,then go ahead..i won't be bother..
cuz its just people nature to be listening to these rumours and make their judgement.
i am just glad i have many friends beside me..
but there is one who is really my trusted and best friend...
thanks for everything you had done to help me..
it really let me goes around thinking about things you had said.the philosophy of life...
sometimes i choose not to talk is because i think i need quiet moments on my own too..
i am just too stress up with my life and studies..
i just find it hard to believe that things are happening around me and i don't know about it.
i really need some pills for me to relax myself..
i am just too stress up..i might be going bonkers soon.
my migraine is coming again...
i really cannot take it..
trying to find a panadol in the morning.but to no avail...arghh...
if you think i am faking it,so be it.
its you who choose to think of it that way..even if i tell you its true,you might wonder..
so i won't bother to explain too much.

2007-03-16T08:14:00.000-07:00

i really need to blog out..
if not i am really gonna explode soon...lolx
feeling so stress out..need some peace...
felt that i am in the mood today..
but later part of the day...
changes everything...haix...
thanks to someone yesterday for helping me..thanks..i am glad i have your help.
sometimes i just felt so disappointed with her.
does she take me as her friend all this while?
i still treated her like my sister last time.
but ever since i felt a distant from us,i told her that time.
and things changes ever since.
we were so like strangers already.haix.
i am quite pissed off with her sometimes..
does helping me really takes a lot of her time sometime?
she could even bother to help her friend...
but when it comes to me,she did not bother.haix.
i don't think that she takes this friendship to heart too..
i will not say who i am referin to..but if i am in a good mood,i may say if you ask me.
just wanna say i am so pissed off with her!
meeting her outside also means strangers already.

2007-03-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

was in not a good mood again..
dun wish to chat with people for some moment..
but alright after a while...
i tell myself...
what my friend had told me
and i tried my very best to stay happy.
had a wonderful night.
went cycling.
lol.something happen which makes me so embarrassed...arghh..haha
realised it until my cousin told me.haha
i told myself to try to be happy no matter what.
as in the end,the only one suffer is myself.
so why not make myself happy?
i think i am too stress out.
so disappointed in myself during the holidays.
din managed to study due to my mood.
and my mood rules over me.
i dun even know what the hell i am doing.
but i am glad to know.
i have friends beside me.
i appreciate your help.thanks.
i am grateful to you.
though we are not that close,you still show your concern for me.THANKS.
it is the only word i can say to you.
i must tell myself to stay happy no matter what!
i am just who i am!

2007-03-12T08:26:00.000-07:00

out of no where,feeling heavy and sad in my heart again
i told myself not to.
but it seems i cannot..
on music,and i felt better.
i was so not in the mood to study in the morning.
and so did not study.
was so angry with myself.
just dun understand what i am doing sometimes.
could felt the stress in me
but i could do nothing
but jus gobbling up foods to make me feel better.
at this rate,i am going to gain more weight already.
which i dun wish to do that?
can someone tel me how do i handle stress?
i dun felt motivated as like last week anymore.
dun have the drive in me to call me to study
i'm just so disappointed in myself.
but what could i do?
just sitting there helplessly
i need to be leave alone for a while.
i need to calm myself down during the holidays
though i may not be studying during the holidays.
but at least i will do a lot of thinkings during the holidays and allow me to start refresh.
i wanted a new me,a happy and joyful me when the term starts again.
this is what i had promised HER too as i love myself.
i won't let her down anymore.
she is just my special friend.
always there for me no matter what happens
i must not TRY but i must BELIEVE in myself.
i wanted to BELIEVE in myself again!
so i have to get rid of all the disbeliefs in me!

2007-03-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wondered..
if i did not went for the workshop...would i even sen my parents a message..
if i did not went for the workshop,would i be so motivated...
if i did not went for the workshop,would i know about so many things about life?
would i have...........(this would be kept mum)
sometimes i wondered,
if my life could be like a bed of roses...
where there are only happiness..
would it be very perfect?
why can't i have this kind of life?
where there would be nothing for you to feel sad about......
but things in life always does not turn out to be how we wanted.
it is always the opposite.
happiness does not always comes by..
we should treasure the times when we actually feel happie
it would serve as memories.
life is just full of uncertainites.
you will not know what will happen at the next minute.
just treasure every moments..
dun regret anything in life
what is past is past.
now we are more concerned about the future.
as the future is not equals to the past
learnt from the workshop.
i'm glad i have frens beside me when i am feeling down.
they are always there for me.
i appreciate their help very much.especially HER
you all light up my life too!
in order to be happy,i must love myself.
this is what she told me.
and i agreed!
i must know how to appreciate myself too.
whatever choices i have made had a great impact and consequences in me
still haven decided about my life path..
as i dunno what will my future lies in me?
i dun have the confidence in me yet.
have to go and think about seriously

2007-03-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

woke up at 9 plus....still feelin so tired..hahax..
then went to eat breakfast with my aunts,uncle,mum,sis..
went to walk around the market after that...see things to buy?
after that,went to my grandma house
i went to sleep again...LOL..
cuz eyes were very tired...slept till 12 plus..
went to find my cousin at school...
lol..the camp tee is very nice...haha...colour not too dull too...
went to my grandma house again
eat lunch.do somethings which are not suppose to say here..haha
then in the evening,went for dinner with my aunts,uncles,cousin
came back watch show and online too..
waited for the 10.30 show
i din know i am so into the show too..such romantic show.hehe
its another borin day tomolo agian...haix

2007-03-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

went to jingjing house after breakfast..
then when she ready,help to take the things went to panda house..
stayed there till 5 plus...
panda brother drive us to the bbq pit..
he was realli a funny guy sia..LOL
then start the around 7 plus..
people come slowly le..
then start eating...chatting..
someone made my day at the bbq pit..hahax..THANKS
went home when my parents called to tel me they were coming le..
reach home bath...then check mails..receive mails from my trainer...thought he was not going to reply..and was quite surprise he reply..LOL
surfing the net next..
now..so sianx..hahax..
anyway...wishing jingjing and panda happie 1 year anniversary...hahax
I'm so happie that that someone made my day there!!LOL
i want to believe in myself...
but i wondered whether can i do it?
jus too lazy sometimes..
need some pushing...
but i will try my very best,as i am thought of what the trainers had said!

2007-03-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

sumtimes i wondered whether i will forget about everything after a few days or weeks..
and indeed,my answer is still yes..
i will forget about everything i learnt in the workshop...
i dun BELIEVE in myself...that's the reason..
i hope...
realli hope...i would always remember those 3 days..
where i was so motivated..
i dun wan my motivation to disappear....
i want my motivation to be always in me..so that i could get good results..
afterall,this workshop is meaningful to me..
it teaches me how to appreciate people around me
and not take everybody around me for granted.
but we,human beings,tend to realise things are precious when we lose it...
still thinking of my life path sumtimes..
i jus can't decide on jc or poly...
i jus dun believe in myself...even after i had attend the course..
but still,i will change myself and make myself believe in myself again..
i mux not try...but nux BELIEVE..
i'm actually quite sad that i did not get his reply..
or maybe he thinks that it was nothing afterall,so maybe he does not reply...lol

2007-03-09T05:04:00.000-08:00

mood in the morning was actually okay okay...
but after school things changes..
but still try to be in the best of mood..
dun wanna spoil anyone's day..
then walk home from inter..
think of a lot of things...
sumtimes i wonder why i will actually feel sad all of a sudden...
then thought of yesterdae chat with jingjing
she realli understands me...thanks...
i'm realli glad that i hav you as my best frien who were always there for me
sumtimes i tend to feel so heavy inside my heart..
but i dunno why too..
haix...jus now also feel so heavy in my heart still..
my sis asked me to play cards with her..
then felt better a bit..
cuz like do things then neber think le..
i realli hope i could lead a happie life...
no worries or heavy heart..
i miss the trainers...
with them in school,my life durin the 3 days seem to be full of laughters..
but now everything back to normal le..haix..
but lucky i still hav my frenx...lol..